Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Vulgarity - it's what's for breakfast!

I happened to read this piece at American Digest today:
It is no surprise to anyone paying attention to the long and unwinding national nutrition neurosis that we need to have some new mountain of diet bullshit to climb every five years of so.

Mount Organic.
Mount Sustainable.
Mount Lo-Fat No-Fat.
Mount Creamy No-Fat.

Yes, it is a libidinal landscape made of featureless false and phony foods. It is a dietary desert of drifting sans. Sans lactose. Sans meat. Sans chicken. Sans land animal. Sans face. Salt free. Sugar free. Gluten free. And, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever will be, Kosher.

But I only wandered in that brave new kelpflaked world beyond bogglement for a bit before I came across, just this afternoon, a new product that offered me even less food for more money. It was something called "Crispibread" and its selling points were proudly displayed on the box:
And then, just by chance, one of the kids I drive in the morning mentioned that he'd seen a new cereal in the grocery store, and I came home to look it up. Here it is:

Each bag is 225 grams and contains 8 full servings

gluten free
lactose free
sugar free
salt free
nut free
high in fibre and iron
source of calcium
source of omega -3 and -6
no cooking required

But it also adds a roguishly vulgar name, something the innocent-sounding 'Crispibread' can't claim.

Maybe it could be adopted as the official breakfast cereal of the Episcopal Church and the ACC.

Oh, and it's made in Canada, just to add shame to the disgust I was already feeling. Bon appetit!


Blogger Bob the Ape said...

Are you troubled by food in your diet?
Here's Crispibread (New!) - go and buy it!
No taste, color, or scent,
It's one hundred percent
Processed natural cardboard - so try it!

3:34 pm  

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