Monday, April 18, 2011

Secret weapon

My favourite store in Ottawa is the T&T Supermarket, which opened about a year and a half ago. It's just 2 miles south of us, and I walk there and back at least once a week for exercise, and to shop for Asian groceries. James Lileks did a post awhile back about the strange things you can find on grocery shelves, like Grass Jelly, and you can certainly find all that and more at T&T. I got a can of Rambutan on Friday, because I wanted a tropical fruit for my Indian fruit salad. The recipe calls for guava, which is okay but not my favourite, and I'd already tried lychees, and this looked interesting. It turned out to be very nice - very like lychees, just a bit sweeter and smoother.

Well, up at the front they have a place where you can buy ready-cooked food to eat there or take home. Every now and then for a treat I buy a barbecued duck, because you just can't make that sort of thing in your own kitchen. They also have some packaged cooked food, and it changes every day - salted chicken, barbecued beef tendons, duck feet, you name it.

Last time I went there I wandered through this section, and my attention was caught by some packages of sliced meat strips. The label read "Pork Bungholes". I looked again; the meat DID have a sort of bullseye in the middle of the slices, but I thought this can't be what I think it is. When in doubt, consult the French - when I studied translation I learned that French is a much more precise language than English, and it's harder to conceal the truth in French. For once our bilingual labelling laws came to my rescue, and I checked the French version on the label. Sure enough, there it was: "Rectum du porc".

Well, now we have the ultimate weapon to defeat the jihadis. Attack them with volleys of Pork Bungholes. It's just wrong on SO many levels, even to me, that I think the mere thought that such a thing exists is likely to make jihadis spontaneously combust. The Chinese will save the world; maybe "Firefly" was prescient in foreseeing a future in which America and China have melded to run the universe.

2 Comments:

Blogger Priscilla said...

You should submit it at Engrish.com

http://www.engrish.com/2011/03/still-tastes-like-chicken-2/

http://www.engrish.com/2011/02/please-take-him-home-with-you/

...and my fav, don't misrepresent the frog's mouths:

http://www.engrish.com/2010/02/have-you-tried-the-loofah/

Any time I need to lose myself for a bit, I can always find amusement at Engrish.com

1:00 pm  
Blogger Dr. Mabuse said...

That is a hilarious website! Thanks so much for the link; I think I'll be spending a lot of time there!

8:30 pm  

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