The spice of life
He hasn't done this for a long time, so I became less vigilant, and started putting frequently-used spices in the cupboard instead of out in the fridge in the garage, which is our usual secure place. Naturally, he showed me that time has not completely smoothed out his rough edges, and he decided to play his old game again.
For some reason, he didn't take ALL the powdered spices out of the cupboard - from what I could gather after sweeping and vacuuming up later, he focussed on turmeric (loves that bright yellow color), cumin, paprika, cayenne and black pepper. As you can imagine, this produced quite a sneeze-worthy mess in the TV room, where the powders were liberally scattered over the fireplace mantle. It had one further effect on James himself...
Oh, I forgot to mention: he did all this in the nude.
So when he came up to me later complaining about "peeper hot", I guess you could say that this would be a classic case of "burning sensation while urinating", only it was self-inflicted.
Well, what could I do? After the first "Serve you right!" which naturally made no impression on him whatsoever, I located a bottle of Solarcaine gel, for the relief of sunburn and itchy mosquito bites. I told him flatly "No, I am NOT going to apply it! Here, do it yourself." And it seemed to do the trick. I don't suppose Solarcaine would want to use this as an endorsement, but there it is, for what it's worth.