My Dad's Christmas Letter
I call this my Dad's Christmas letter, even though I don't actually know if he wrote it. It was among his papers when he died, and I'm not sure if it was something he wrote himself, or just something he saved because he liked it. However, his name was Don, and this IS sort of signed with something similar, so that and the fact that this is very much in his style makes me attribute it to him. So here goes.
About this time of year, I usually take a moment to write a few letters to my good friends and relatives. This time of the year, I like to remember all the good things and indulge myself to the extent of getting a bit sentimental.
It is a blustery evening out but, here in my apartment, it's cozy and comfortable. I'm sitting here before my typewriter, sort of half listening to the radio and slowly sipping a nice very dry double Martini. I only wish you were here but, since you are not, the least I can do is to toast your good health and happiness, so, time out, old pal, while I bend my elbow to you and the many good times we have enjoyed together.
I just took time out to mix another Martini and while I was out in the kitchen, I thought of all the time I would waste this evening if I went out to mix another drink every once in a while, so I just made up a big pitcher of Martinis and brought it back in with me so I'd havr it right here besideme and wond't have to waste time making more of them. So now I'm all set and here goes. Besides Martinis are greatest drrink. For some reason, they neversseeme to affec me in the slightest. Can drink thwm all day long. So here goes.
The greatessts thing in the whole wokls is friendsihp. Ande believe me pal you are the geartests pal anybody everhad. Do you remembre all the swwel times we had together pal?? The the dead skunk in mysleeping bag. ha ha!! Boy how wew laugheud didn we. Never did get the skin kout ouut of it. Bit is was prety funnye anywayh. I still laught abouut it onec in a whole. Nat as muhc as I ussed to. Butu what the heke & after all you still be bestf old pal. and if a guy cand't hav a luagh on a good treu freidn one in a whiel waht the heke.
Dam pitchir is impte so i ujus wendoutand maed anotheroene and I sure swisch yuu weer haerol pal to hepp me drrink thses marotonmi becauss they are simpledeliscius. Parn me whilli lif my flass to you goot helahth oncemroe becaus u are the bests pal i got in a nother pals sleping bagg I*m damh if i knowle. That washh a loussty thingn for any dodyhdy todo an only a firss clas hole would di it. Wasna adm bit funney. Still stinkks. And if you thininkit's funey your a dirty lous anasd fare as i*m concrned you cn go plum to helll and stya ther. You dirty lous. To hel with ouy.
VVerye Trul not yours,