Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Another entry in the ongoing "We can't have nice things" saga.

This summer I picked up a beautiful Christmas wreath at an auction, and as we've now had several days of snow, I thought it was time to hang it on the front door. In the past, I've tried and failed to put wreaths on the inner wooden door, but there isn't enough room - they get squashed by the storm door and fall down. So this year I got one of those double magnetic hooks for hanging wreaths on a glass door, and yesterday morning I proudly put it up. It was an elaborate creation, covered with pinecones, various kinds of nuts and 3 artificial birds.

When Emma and I got home from her karate practice at 9:00PM, she went in first, and I came a few moments later. I was shocked to find the wreath lying on the ground! Pieces of pinecones and nuts were scattered around, and two of the birds were gone. I came in fuming, and groused about how careless Emma was, slamming the door like that to make the wreath fall down, and not even picking up the mess! I had to go back outside and gather up the debris, which I then placed on a chair outside; I figured I'd buy some glue the next day and put it back together.

Today I went shopping in the morning and came back with glue. To my shock, I found pinecones lying around - could I have missed them in the dark last night? I thought I'd unpack my groceries first, then go back out for the wreath and start fixing it. When I opened the door again, there was a scurry of little feet, and a squirrel darted away. Then I realized the truth: SQUIRRELS had climbed onto the wreath, and their weight had pulled it onto the ground! Then they had proceeded to rip off and eat the pinecones and nuts! Now I don't know what to do; it hardly seems worthwhile to repair the wreath, because the squirrels will never leave it alone.

That's gratitude for you. I even bought a few bags of peanuts this fall and left them out for the squirrels, because it's so funny to see them come bounding over from all directions and sneak out the nuts to take away and hide somewhere. All the time I was preparing a serpent for my own bosom; now they obviously think that I'm putting out food for them when I hang the wreath!


Blogger Dr. Alice said...

Squirrels are evil, and this is proof. (Not really; I like to watch them as much as anyone, but they can be destructive little creatures.)

10:48 am  
Blogger The Bovina Bloviator said...

It's probably frowned upon up there but a pellet gun would be the perfect solution to your varmint problems as well as providing hours of wholesome and relaxing family fun. Give it a shot!

5:31 pm  
Blogger Dr. Mabuse said...

Oh, bb, this is CANADA! I'm sure a pellet gun would violate 20 different bylaws. I'm just going to have to starve the little monsters.

8:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My old law firm used to send us these hideously ugly wreaths every year--with lemons and other fruits glued to the greenery. I put one on the kitchen door once, and soon enough, I had a wreath of chewed up fruit. Charming. You would think wreath makers would have figured out not to include anything edible.

--Nasty, Brutish & Short

12:37 pm  
Blogger Justthisguy said...

"Tree Rat" is a better name for that critter. I lived in Atlanta for some years, and that town is horribly infested with those pestiferous vermin. They'll chew holes in yer house, among their other nastinesses.

Shoot 'em and eat 'em.

11:31 am  

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